The Couch
by PurplePoctopus
Summary: What happens when Mello's on his man period and there's a movie on TV? Not a crack fic Mello/Matt Rated T for language. Co written with my best friend. Oneshot. Some Near jokes even though I love Near


Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any affiliated characters. My friend that co-wrote this with me does not either. This is a FAN fiction that was strictly written for fun

* * *

"Matt!" Mello called.

"Yea?" Matt mumbled back. He was sitting on the couch, hunched over a PSP, cigarette in his mouth. Mello scowled. He walked up to the couch and hunched over Matt. Mello frowned and took the cigarette right from Matt's mouth, causing Matt to pause his game and look up.

"Mel, What the Fu—"

Mello coughed. "Kill you lungs why don't you. I'm not going to your funeral." Mello tossed the cigarette in the trash.

"Yea, well I hope you die of diabetes. Or heart disease for the weight that will accumulate from your chocolate consumption." Matt said bitterly, going back to the game. Mello rolled his eyes.

"Your death is much more likely than mine." He paused. "And you'd miss me."

Matt snorted. "Like hell I would."

"Oh Matt, I'm hurt." Mello said, laced with sarcasm. Matt started stabbing at the buttons on his PSP before slamming it down on the table and growling.

"I can't fucking play with all of these naked mannequins everywhere. Why the hell are they even here?"

"You wanna watch a movie?" Mello asked with his eyes darting away from the naked woman mannequin lying on the floor near the bed.

"What the hell? I just asked you about the décor in here, and you change the subject to something about movies? I mean, we could get our Asses smited by Kira any second now and you want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah. That new comedy movie's on TV, we have some microwave popcorn, and…"

"Mel. I'm trying to beat this boss, and…"

"Just sit down and watch. Or you won't get paid for a very long time." Mello snapped while chewing on a chocolate bar.

"I can find a job at any moment. We live in a fucking city." Matt exclaimed staring down his best friend.

Mello was generally upset by this argument, but he kept his ground.

"Whatever. Then I'm watching the movie. Move your lazy ass over." Mello said.

"Oh? You don't want to sit with me?"

"You smell like cigarette shit and are being an asshole."

Matt suppressed a laugh, still not looking up from the game. Mello stared at him for a minute, only for Matt to throw his game down and look up.

"So… uh…are we watching this?" Matt motioned to the TV.

"Um… Sure. Yea." Mello said. The awkward air settled in the room. Matt got up.

"I'll get the popcorn, you set up the TV or whatever."

"Fine with me." Mello said. He ran a hair through his hair and played with the TV they had. "Hurry you ass up." Mello said, impatiently.

"Coming princess." Matt called. Mello flipped him off.

"Shut up. Just gimme the damn popcorn" Mello growled while rolling his eyes.

"I don't understand how you're still hungry. You eat chocolate like it's going extinct." Matt said while pounding away at the keys on his PSP.

"Well, I'm stressing out. We're so close to catching Kira, yet so far…" Mello looked at the TV and sighed.

"This better be good Blondie. Or I will murder you." Matt snickered.

"Haha, you wish. Admit it, you couldn't live without me." Mello smirked.

"We, Matt looked at him, moving his goggles to his forehead, "Have already had this conversation. I don't need you at all."

"Oh? Then why do you stick around?"

"Cause…. cause I like being with you, ya know?" Matt forced a small smile and looked to him. Mello looked taken aback for a moment. The awkward silence was apparent.

"Whatever. Start the movie?"

"Yea, let's do it."

The movie began to play. Matt looked to Mello, Mello looked to Matt. Both men sat on other sides of the couch, distanced from each other, but still mumbling thoughts on the movie to each other. Every time there was a comedic part, somehow the gap between them lessened, and lessened, until they were pretty much cuddling.

"Dude, can you get the fuck off me?" Mello glared at Matt.

Matt almost snorted. "You didn't say that last night. I was more like 'Matt, Ma~tt, Oh Mail~."

"I do NOT sound like that." Mello insisted. "I'm much tougher and manlier."

"Sure thing princess."

"Would you shut the FUCK up with this princess stuff!"

"If you quit chocolate."

"I will when you quit smoking."

Matt was about to raise another argument, but stopped dead. He was well aware that smoking hurt him, and Mello hated it with the entirety of his being. After a long, awkward silence, Mello mumbled out, "There are a lot cooler ways to die."

"Like getting shot down?" Matt said, referring to the shootouts that happened lately with the Mafia, before Mello left. "Oh that's right, I forgot you prefer blowing up a building whilst being inside." Mello smacked him on the back of the head.

"Don't joke about this stuff!! I already went through enough when fucking Kira got L." "I'm not leaving. SOMEONE has to finish all those games in that pile."

"Matt." Mello said while rolling his eyes and nibbling on a fresh bar of Hershey's Special Dark, "Kira's our main concern right now"

"I know. How do'ya think Near's doing, you know? I mean, don't you think that he's probably sitting on the ground, playing with his Legos… Shit. Those Legos… I mean, does he eat them?" Matt said mindlessly while he pounded away on the keys of his game.

"MATT! We shall not mention… that…. That… LEGO EATER!"

"Fine. Fine Fine Fine Fine Fine." Matt said, without a care in his voice.  
"Shushhhhhh. I'm trying to watch the friggin movie." Mello replied. "Your voice is like the mosquito that keeps buzzing long after you've gone to bed."  
"But I have a sexy voice!" Matt defended. "Sexier than yours anyway."  
"Pfft says you. I am always number one."  
"Except against Near. And L would make you 3."  
"That makes you 4 smart one."  
"Meh. Doesnotcare." Matt said quickly going back to looking at the screen. He noticed at that moment that he never did move when Mello asked him, ever so politely, to get off him.

"Why don't you care? Don't you want to have the glory? The fame? The feeling of you taking a seventeen year old boy's dreams and grinding them into the dust?!" Mello yelled.

"Mell, calm down and… Shit. My Matt Sim died. But hey, it was a good use of my new 'police shootout' Mod" Matt mumbled, having now shifted over to his computer.

"Matt. We don't have time to play Sims right now. I'm trying to watch a movie and…"

"Crap. Mello died in a burning church!"

"Like that'll ever happen. I'm practically immortal."

"Then why do you pray to God?" Matt asked. "Don't try to hide it either, you and I both know you're a devout Christian." Mello thought for a moment.  
"Because...there has to be something more than this. This life that fed us to the dogs. My mom used to pray all the time. That's about all I remember." Mello said, shrugging it off as if that was not a lot to say.  
"At least you have that. I don't remember anything about mine, except being left at Whammy's. But that was by a strange man."  
"Your father?"  
"Didn't have one. Heh. I guess that helps me conceal my identity." Mello paused. The air of the room got heavy.  
"Well..um...Sorry man." Mello said. He wasn't sure how to react, and he sure as hell was not going to get all emotional. He wasn't sure how Matt was reacting though.

"'s fine. You know. Since I never really knew them… It hurts less. Like, you man, I feel bad. You were like, what, 8 when your parents died? You get attached and…."

"Matt. Shut up. And. Get off of me." Mello pouted. He shoved Matt off and turned towards one of the naked mannequins in the room.

"Mell. I'm sorry. I'm not in the right mind today. Hey, want to take a picture of Near and throw darts at it?" Matt said while trying to console Mello.

"If it wouldn't disturb the neighbors, I would bust a cap in that picture." Mello mumbled.

"Mell, I'm sure that will disturb the neighbors. It's late at night, and there will be shooting." Matt replied. "They already have to hear you yelling and swearing all the time. Mostly over chocolate, to add to the weirdness." Matt almost let out a laugh. "The blonde man woman who carries a gun and swears about chocolate. Everyone's DREAM neighbor. Man when we get out of this mess we'll be lucky to find a better apartment. No one will want to live with Mello the PMSing man."  
Mello slapped Matt on the back of the head.  
"OW. God damn it, Mells."  
"Well you smoke all the time. Nobody likes a smoker~"  
"You do."  
"No, I like my best friend, the gamer. Not my best friend, the smoker. And your games are annoying as hell too."  
"They are not!! They are wondrous things. My chocolate, if you must. And besides, we'll always have trouble getting apartments. "We're two men who can only afford one bedroom rooms. No one wants that next door, if you know what I mean."

"Matt, shut up. And stop goddamn smoking in the house! I can't find a room deodorizer strong enough to cover the pack a day that you go through!" Mello reached out and grabbed the lit cigarette out of Matt's hand, and put it out on a stack of old Nintendo Power magazines.

"Mello! Give it back. You know, I didn't complain when you crashed our old computer by giving it a virus from you downloading gay porn all the time!" Matt yelled. Mello stepped up onto the coffee table and began cussing at the top of his lungs. One of the neighbors knocked on the wall, trying to get him to shut up, but he would not. Matt grabbed Mello's hand, and he fell, the two landing in a kiss.

Mello would not admit that the kiss lasted longer than a mistake should have.  
"This brings back memories of Whammy's, no? Ahh puberty and experimentation." Matt said jokingly.  
"I.... do not download gay porn. I have much better things to do."  
"I love how you don't deny you're like gay or anything."  
Mello looked at him for a moment. "Yea… right."  
"Mello, I know. And It's ok. I'm bisexual. But I've always been. You know that." Matt smiled. "Girls and Boys love the Matt."  
"Keep dreaming." Mello commented back, shoving Matt over.  
"Well, I don't hide in closets."

"Just in a creepy apartment filled with creepy naked Mannequins. Don't you ever go outside?" Mello wondered while looking out the window into the foggy sky.

"Red head Mello. Remember. Gingers don't like the sun." Matt explained while trying to make it to the next level of his game.

"Buy some god damn sun block. I'm sick of having to buy your cigarettes."

"But you hate them Mello. So why do you still buy them for me?"

"…. Because. You're my best mate. You know. I got to keep you around somehow."

"Or maybe… inside that cold heart of yours…. You really care about me and… Oh shit. Look. Misa's getting undressed right in front of our camera!"

"You are aware boobs do nothing for me, right?" Mello stated. "I mean I've seen Hal naked plenty of times."  
"...Why don't you tell me about women until AFTER??"  
"Because none of them would date you anyway." Mello laughed cruelly. "And besides, you'd need to go outside to at least meet them."  
"Mehhhh too much work. I'm not compromising for sex." Matt laughed. "I'm totally fine by myself. Been that way most of my life."  
"I was going to tell you that's gross. But then you made it all depressing. Fuck you."

"How is it gross. I'm a guy, that likes girls. At least half of the time… so I have the right to watch someone get undressed, since I can't leave the house otherwise I'd risk burning in the sun."

"Matt, go fuck yourself."

"I'd rather have someone with me, but on short notice…"

"Matt! Shut up. And… Shit. Look, all this talking made me miss the goddamn movie. Since when are you a therapist anyways?"

"And I was saying the by yourself thing. Fucking get a girl, 'mate." Mello said, trying to end the conversation.  
"Whatever. The movie sucked." Matt stated. "And who said I wanted a girl?"  
"Like ohmigod, Misa Misa is stripping and I like majorly want to fuck her but I'm just gonna watch her like a sick fuck." Mello said, badly imitating Matt.  
"You're the one that told me to watch her, you can't say anything."  
"You're fucking annoying, you know that? Shit why do I hang out with you."  
"Cause you love me." Matt said. Then thinking back on the conversation, his smile faded. "Bad choice of words."  
"Oh? Matt. Alcohol and truth or dare. Now."  
"That game's for girls." Matt paused. "Never mind, that's perfect for you."  
Mello flipped him off as he came back with 2 beers.

"There. Drink. Now."

"If there's poison in this I will murder you."

"A) You'd be dead, you wouldn't be able to murder me and B) there are much easier ways of killing someone." Mello said while rolling his eyes. Matt nervously laughed and took a sip.

"So. Mello. Truth or dare."

"We need more beer."

"Don't evade the question Mello. Truth or Dare?" Matt asked. Mello growled a little and sighed.

"Why are we playing this again?"

"You were the one that wanted to."

"That was before I realized I knew what you were going to ask. Either way, you're…"

"I'm what? Going to make you admit that you're gay?"

"I'm not Matt. Now get off of my last nerve!"

"But...you are." Matt said. "You like just came out."  
"No I didn't." Mello paused. "I was a mafia BOSS. Mafia men aren't gay."  
"There was an episode of House---"  
"House isn't REAL. The mafia isn't for faggots like you."  
"Call me what you want." Matt shrugged and took a long sip of beer. "Ahhh, Truth or Dare?"  
"Ummm Truth."  
"First person you had a crush on. Celebrity or familiar, I don't care."  
He hushed his voice. "Mihael Keehl does not get crushes."

"Mello. You're human. We all fall in love at some point. Who was it?"

"Matt. Do you want me to put chocolate in your Xbox again?" Mello growled as he polished his gun.

"I just want to know. Like, mine was Ms. Collins. Our 3rd grade teacher. She had a banging set of tits." Matt laughed and took another sip of his beer.

"It… It was you."

"M-me? Ha. Way to be an ass, Mells." Matt put his bear down. "You always made fun of me. _That's how we became friends, remember_? You made fun of my goggles, my games, the fact that when you came along you knocked me out of second place. That's not infatuation."  
"Asshole."  
"What?"  
"Asshole. I actually answer a fucking question and you find a way to make me feel like shit about it. Forget it, I was stupid to think we could actually talk."  
"No, Mello, really?"  
"Yes, really. Fuck Matt. Of course I only really liked you later, like closer to when I left and what not. And all of that was fucking history once I joined the Mafia." Mello paused.  
"Oh I feel special."  
"Well what do you want me to do? Pine like a fucking girl. Hell no."

Mello stomped on the ground and kicked over one of the mannequins. Matt put down his DS and grabbed his friend's arm.

"Mello. Calm down. Do you need chocolate? You haven't had a bar in like… 5 minutes."

"Yes. That… that must be it." Mello mumbled and reached for a bar on the table.

"I'm going… to go out for a little bit. You need to calm down."

"No. Matt. Don't go."

"Ugh. Are we doing this again?" Matt complained.  
"You could get hurt and I want you here..." Mello said. "Fuck I sound like a pussy."  
"If you insist."  
"Hey Matt, truth or dare."

"Truth." Matt looked at his friend, and Mello swallowed.

"Do you… do you like… me?"

"In what way? Like, as a friend, or… like like…?" Matt asked. Mello sighed and sat down.

"Like… like…" Matt looked at the ground and then back up at Mello.

"I… I think so Mells."

"Ew. Way to have a crush on your best guy friend, faggot." Mello replied. Matt glared.  
"What was that for? You like me too."  
"But it's creepier when you say it."  
Matt sighs. "Has it always been that obvious?"  
"....always?"  
"Mello, there had to be some reason I put up with you for all those years, despite the fact that all you did to me could be called abuse."

"Abuse? What was the worst thing I did to you?" Mello asked arrogantly.

"Well, there was the time you nearly shot me for not getting you more chocolate, and the time that you threw that rock at my head and I had to get 12 stitches, and a concussion… Ooh and when you broke my Xbox… and…"

"Okay Jerkface. I get it. I'm a bitch. But you're just as cruel. You smoke inside, you forget to pay the bills so we have our lights, heat, internet, phone, and cable cut off at least once a month…. And…"

"Like that measures up to all that you did to me. I mean, when we first met you punched me in the face!" Matt said while still leaning against the doorframe.

"That was because you called me a girl!"

"That was an honest mistake Mells."

"Well I'm not a girl." Mello pouted.  
"Believe me, I'm aware of that." Matt replied.  
"Oh?" Mello glared.  
"Then again, wearing those pants, it could go either way." Matt rolled his eyes. Mello glared, got up and stormed over to Matt in anger.  
"Oh? Did you just say that Jeevas? Really?" Mello punched him in the gut, causing Matt to flinch and grab his stomach.  
"What was that--" but before he could finish he was cut off. Mello was kissing him.

"… Wait. You punch me and then… kiss me?"

"You didn't like it?"

"No, Mello. I did but… that hurt man. I'm going to be all purpley and bruised in the morning." Matt said while grabbing his stomach.

"I just… Matt… That… that felt so right."

"What? Punching me in the stomach? Glad to know that your priorities are str-"

"No you dumbass. The kiss."

"It was alright." Matt shrugged. "I bet Near's better." Matt grinned a sly grin. Mello did not find that too funny.  
"Oh really? That albino fuck is nowhere near as good as me in kissing. He's still a virgin." Mello frowned. "Is there something you're not telling me?"  
"No, not at all Mell." Matt laughed. "I've never kissed near, chillax."  
"Good. Cause if you did, I'd have to kick your sorry ass out."  
Mello walked back over to the couch, followed by a curious Matt.

"So. What now?" Matt asked while Mello started surfing channels. Mello looked over and shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess we could…"

"Ow. Mello, thank you for bruising me like a fruit."

"Can we still throw darts at that picture of Near?" Mello asked. Matt laughed and pulled out the set of darts.

"Anytime. Any time Mello." He chuckled.


End file.
